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Newsdroppings Monday, 6 February 2012, 1:51 pm

Eli is a Super Bowl MVP for the second time, which is going to make next Thanksgiving really awkward at the Manning family dinner.

Madonna’s half time show is being called the best ever and the worst ever, which is exactly how Madge wants it.

The Super Bowl commercials featured hot models, CGI bears, hot models, beer, and hot models.  So, once again, a fairly accurate breakdown of our national priorities.

And in even more Superbowl news, M.I.A. apparently threw one up the middle during the halftime show.

A Georgia man accidentally shot himself at a gun show. We believe he was shot in either the fracas or the melee.

San Francisco Airport has opened a yoga room, which they expect stressed-out passengers to use every now and zen.

JFK’s mistress has revealed new details of their affair. In other news, the Beatles might break up soon, and there’s talk of landing a man on the moon!

Mark Zuckerberg is warning a bunch of banks to stop leaking information about Facebook to the media. And the banks are listening, because you do not want Mark Zuckerberg to unfriend you.

A 9-year-old girl is recovering from a six-organ transplant, which means no matter what we do for the rest of our lives, she’ll always be tougher than us.

Eggs are being recalled in 34 states. The company issuing the recall asks that their customers please return their eggs in separate baskets.

Source: Shoebox | Dan

quote of the day Friday, 3 February 2012, 5:46 pm

Source: Shoebox | Dick

Chuck & Beans Friday, 3 February 2012, 5:00 pm

Source: Shoebox | brian

Newsdroppings Friday, 3 February 2012, 2:19 pm

Madonna is not only ready to entertain the Super Bowl crowd at halftime, she also looks ripped enough to step in for Gronkonski.

It is now closer to being officially illegal for politicians to use insider information to trade stocks, so add that to your list of things you thought it was already illegal for them to do, but wasn’t.

41,000 pounds of frozen pork have been cleared off a highway in Virginia which has drastically changed our, “visit Virginia” plan for the weekend.

A man who calls himself “Jewish Indiana Jones” actually lied about all his adventures. The real Indiana Jones was disgusted, saying that he would never be a part of made-up stories created just for entertainment. Especially not ones with aliens.

In honor of the Super Bowl, here are some pictures of some NFL players’ homes. Just in case you were feeling good about yourself today.

Maybe you can’t afford an NFL mansion, but the economy is improving. As always, this won’t apply to your personal economy, and no one will be able to explain why.

Somebody discovered the Mona Lisa‘s twin sister. The two paintings then annoyed everybody by finishing each other’s sentences for the next hour.

Here are some places you should see before you die. Our top choice: Anyplace in the year 3012.

Some guy in Germany has eaten some 64-year old pig fat lard without any ill effects. So maybe that frozen Virginia highway pork would be OK too.

Source: Shoebox | Dan

Newsdroppings Thursday, 2 February 2012, 2:06 pm

Punxsutawney Phil saw his shadow, which means six more weeks of winter. He also saw The Wire last night, but the nation was less concerned with that.

This football player’s hands are the size of cereal boxes, but he doesn’t use them for jazz hands, which is what we call “squandering the gift.”

Alabama was the big winner on National Signing Day. And if you’re wondering what we’re talking about, well, so are we.

Angry Birds baby clothes are coming! Babies everywhere celebrated the news by crawling into that tower of blocks their older brother was building.

A man announced that he found a sunken ship worth over $3 billion, which is exactly the type of thing you shouldn’t announce unless you want a bunch of zombie pirates coming after you.

One of the main reasons Ali was The  Greatest is gone.

A bunch of people are about to become millionaires and billionaires. Probably not any of you, though. Just keep on with your current plans.

Scientists seem worried about impending volcanoes in America. And not just because a lot of ‘em are still virgins.

 

“… and as always in parting, we wish you love, peace, and soul!”

Source: Shoebox | Dan

Smithees Thursday, 2 February 2012, 2:00 pm

Source: Shoebox | jsmit13

In Stores Now Wednesday, 1 February 2012, 4:00 pm

Inside: Just a few things I’d like to get you for Valentine’s Day.

Source: Shoebox | Shelley

Newsdroppings Wednesday, 1 February 2012, 2:13 pm

Mitt Romney won Florida last night, but if you’ve been to certain parts of it, you’d know the word “win” is used very loosely.

Apparently, pythons are doing way better in Florida than, oh, say, Newts, for example.

A woman delivered a 14 pound baby without a C-Section or drugs. Upon hearing the news, Wonder Woman handed over the keys to the invisible jet.

Justin Timberlake turned 31 yesterday, and would have gotten an awesome ice-cream cake from several of the Newsdroppings staffers if not for a stupid, unfair, stupid restraining order.

In the village of Sodeto, Spain, every household except one is sharing in a $950 million lottery win. Also, it got cloudy and rained last week, but just on that same one house. Then a cow fell from the sky and landed on…yep, you guess it.

Bond, James Bond has stubble now. Although he could probably shave with a live piranha or a really cool laser watch if he wanted to.

Scientists are working to develop a mind-reading device. When asked what their motivation was, one of the scientists said, “Man, I just want to buy my wife the right thing for Valentine’s Day for once.”

Kristen Bell really loves sloths. So if you’re wondering what to get her for her birthday next year, well, that’s what we would give her, except we can’t because of ALL THESE RIDICULOUS RESTRAINING ORDERS!

Source: Shoebox | Dan

Newsdroppings Tuesday, 31 January 2012, 2:11 pm

According to a recent study, it took elephants 24 million generations to get so large. In your face, elephants! It only took Americans three, four generations tops to get this big.

People ignore most of the apps on their phones, which is good, because do you really wants to see a bunch of people walking around with their heads stuck in their apps?

A camel in New Jersey has predicted that the Giants will win the Super Bowl. Then it returned to drinking with Snooki.

Looking for light recipes for the big game this weekend? That’s unfortunate. And possibly un-American.

OK, now it’s Zoe Saldana and Bradley Cooper.  Here’s how the game works; the big wheel of celebrity hotness spins and wherever it stops, that’s who you have to publicly make out with.  The rules are simple and inflexible, and if you’re eligible to play, well, you know who you are.

Dwight Howard says he is open to playing for the Chicago Bulls. Well so are we, Dwight Howard, but nobody asked us.

People who are not Dwight Howard are having a hard time finding jobs in Florida. Of course, they’re still in Florida, so none of them are really too worried about it.

A man who thinks he’s a Jedi attacked toy store customers with a toy lightsaber. The police had to bring him in by Force. Yes, we went there.

Yesterday’s Tiny Little Movie Review of “The Grey” has pushed it to the top of the box office list! Well, that’s what we’re telling ourselves anyway.

Source: Shoebox | Dan

burbles Tuesday, 31 January 2012, 2:10 pm

Source: Shoebox | Dick

Tiny Little Movie Review: The Grey Monday, 30 January 2012, 3:24 pm

We’ve had an incredibly mild winter. Like, brown Christmas, snow blower still in the basement winter. Some have bemoaned the lack of snow. My guess is that the bemoaners are bemoaning because they are not also the shovelers. Very little shoveler bemoaning. But if you are a non-shoveling bemoaner, go see The Grey. It will make you miss snow much, much less.

Before The Grey started affirming my anti-snow stance, I saw not one but two trailers for Liam Neeson movies. Liam is amazing, and just gets better with age, but seriously, aren’t there like a lot of actors? How many meetings can there be where suit guys are going, “this one is about wolves terrorizing oil drillers in Alaska, it has to be Neeson!” while across town, “this one is about Greek gods or something, it has to be Neeson!” and nearby, “this one is a battle ship, on an ocean and all, we must have one man, and one man only–Liam Neeson!”

How much do other middle-aged actors hate this guy? They probably don’t say it, though, cause he’s a legitimate tough guy, not a trailer whiner who sips soy smoothies while his stunt double gets chomped by wolves. Liam Neeson probably even misses snow.

Source: Shoebox | Dan

Newsdroppings Monday, 30 January 2012, 2:05 pm

Snowy Owls are flocking to Michigan for some reason. We asked them why, but they responded “Who”, and we said, “No, not who…why?” and the whole thing devolved into an old timey radio comedy routine.

Millions were raised in a mass polar bear plunge in Maryland. That’s millions of dollars, not goosebumps.

Here are some rare photos of Joe Namath. If you said, “Joe who?” just move along.

Harry Potter is acting in another movie, but this time he can’t do magic. He’s just a regular guy like you and me, acting in multi-million-dollar movies.

Some Minnesota beef was recalled after it was labeled incorrectly. We blame those tricky Chick-fil-A cows.

Betty White won a SAG award for best actress in a comedy.  So if you click here, you can see a picture.  Of Sofia Vergara.

Automatic flushers are disappearing from restrooms. If you see one, please side it under the door, we’re in a tight spot over here.

The Spice Girls are reuniting to perform for the Queen, or should we say, Dignified Spice.

Source: Shoebox | Dan

Chuck & Beans Friday, 27 January 2012, 4:00 pm

Source: Shoebox | brian

Newsdroppings Friday, 27 January 2012, 2:13 pm

The Pentagon will have a smaller budget next year, and that will result in fewer people in the Army and Marines. So, unfortunately, Joe is gonna have to let Willie go.

A bus-sized asteroid came very close to hitting Earth. Luckily it had to make a few other stops and a transfer first.

Pat Sajak says he and Vanna used to do Wheel of Fortune kind’a drunk sometimes. Which explains that one show where he kept shouting, “I got yer vowel right here!”

Police in Paris have arrested former executives of company at the center of a breast implant scandal. No word if they shouted, “This is a bust!”

The fact that George and Brad are buddies is supposed to “humanize” them somehow, but instead it just makes them seem so, so much farther away…

Don’t worry everyone, the National Mustard Museum is not going to close. You can still “ketchup” on all the fun. But seriously don’t mention ketchup there. They really, really hate that.

Jay-Z and Beyonce selected Oprah as their daughter’s Godmother. When asked for comment, Oprah said: “YOU GET A BABY BLANKET! YOU GET A BABY BLANKET! AND YOU GET A BABY BLANKET!”

Adios, Shalom, Juan Epstein.

Source: Shoebox | Bill

In Stores Now Thursday, 26 January 2012, 6:54 pm

Seriously. Socks in bed.
Happy Valentine’s Day

Source: Shoebox | Shelley

Newsdroppings Thursday, 26 January 2012, 2:05 pm

Newt Gingrich would like to see Americans living on the moon. Specifically, three Americans named Santorum, Paul and Romney.

People who work longer hours are more likely to get depressed. Oops. Almost forgot to add the “Well, duh!”

There are some changes coming to the Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show. Sadly, none of them include puppies falling asleep in baskets, which is the dog show we’re waiting for.

Ashton is partying with supermodels in Brazil because he’s Ashton.  And they’re supermodels. In Brazil.

High tech multitasking is supposed to be bad for- Sorry! Gotta take this! Anyway, it’s not good for- Hey! I need a five letter word that uses L,V,Y,R, and Q, got anything? So, there’s this story, and it’s about something.

Victoria Azarenka is going to play Maria Sharapova in an Australian Open Women’s Final that may or may not have already happened.  “Live from Australia” is confusing.

Al Simon has made a documentary to commemorate the 25^th anniversary of his Graceland album. Yeah, yeah…we know his name is Paul. But he says we can call him Al.

Fried food does not cause heart attacks, according to  new study. However, it does generally cause happiness.

Here’s your poetic justice: Las Vegas could be in giant trouble if the Giants win.

Source: Shoebox | Bill

Smithees Thursday, 26 January 2012, 2:00 pm

Source: Shoebox | jsmit13

Links That Amuse Us Wednesday, 25 January 2012, 6:27 pm

Is she bringing the kids?

Happee Valentine’s Day, Honey.

Yes, that is totally necessary.

That helps a lot. Thanks.

This makes me want to drive one.

Source: Shoebox | Shelley

Cheesehead Wednesday, 25 January 2012, 3:35 pm

Source: Shoebox | Shelley

Newsdroppings Wednesday, 25 January 2012, 2:22 pm

Sure, you want to keep up on the state of the union, but you really need to hit the can and go get another coffee before the big meeting. What to do? How about the entire State of the Union address in 59 seconds? You’re welcome.

In politics, there’s what they say, what they didn’t say, and what they really meant by what they did and didn’t say.

Researchers report something called brown fat may be the secret to weight loss, though we’re guessing they’re not talking about the stuff that pools at the top of gravy.

Delta is rerouting planes due to an upcoming “solar eruption,” which is an excellent name for a either a band or a SciFi Channel movie of the week. Hey…maybe the band could write the theme song for the movie!

A dentist pleaded guilty to using paper clips to perform root canals. He also pleaded guilty to using his dental tools to hold together stacks of paper, but no one seemed to care much about that.

They had to grind up part of a street in New York City after they misspelled the word “school” in a school crossing sign. Not the best day for the Big Appul.

Jim Carrey’s daughter sang on American Idol, which re-ran last night.  So already, the kid’s doing sequels.

Brazilians are visiting Florida, which is too bad because there are already plenty of sexy people in Miami.  Brazilians! Please visit the less sexy places!  We need you!

Source: Shoebox | Bill